A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
