oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
