U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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