God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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