which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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