i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
