We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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