Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
