I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize