That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
