Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
