he shaved USA in his pubs
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
