Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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