I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
