what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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