So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
