Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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