There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
