I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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