R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
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it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
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Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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