how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
