I think I won the penis lottery.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
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Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
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I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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