On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
