He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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