working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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