Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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