so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
