So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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