Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
