Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
