Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
