No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
3pm strippers are depressing
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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