I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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