I swear god or herbie drove my car home
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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