He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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