$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I need to align my fucking chakras
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
