Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
