The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I wear drunk well.
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