I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Randomize
