But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
