I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
