He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
