it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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