Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
