Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
