if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
