Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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