we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
