My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
