its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
