garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
