I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
