The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
