Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
