Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
