Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
