I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
His hands were made for my vagina.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
