wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
