after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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