I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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