Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
