I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
