see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
