You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
