No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
