If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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