im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
