i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
