i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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