Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
