I smell stomach acid.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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