No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
