so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
