Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
