You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
