I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
