Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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