is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
