Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
