you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
