I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
