When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
