You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i drank out of a bidet.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
