Your mouth is God's brothel.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize