my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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