took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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