Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
