Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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