he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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