i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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