I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
