Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
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I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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