Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
